Down to the Old Pub Instead ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by Stephen Lynch from ^ÓSuperhero^Ô (2002) Got this from another site, but the words were incomplete so i filled in the gaps...really good song! another irish classic lol! sorry the formattings a bit screwed but thats how i found it. Credit to: Jon Cutright not me! INTRO: ^Ö - ^Ö VERSE 1: Lad it^Òs your duty to find you a lass with child-bearing hips and a pink supple ass And make her you wife and love her with love so true Now, some rivers run high some rivers run low When her river runs red then she starting her flow And it^Òs called menstruation and heres what I means to you You will notice her bloomers are spartie? At first Stand back, her ovarian dams gonna burst So don^Òt be afraid it’s a natural thing Just wind up some cotton and give her some string Put the old linens on top of the bed get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead. VERSE 2: She^Òll retain her water her breasts will be tender And every third word that you say will offend her Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead And she^Òll want to make love if you do you’re a fool Cause you^Òll only end up with a bloody ol’ tool Get out of the house, down to the old pub instead And she^Òll want you to sample the fruit of her loins But son it^Òll taste like some old rusty coins So turn off the lights boy and take off your hat And drop to your knees say a prayer to st pat Then he^Òll give you the strength to get out of the bed And for Ireland^Òs sake go down to the old pub instead. VERSE 3: Now the pub is the place where the lads are a meeting When the moon^Òs full and the girls are a bleatin The catholic, the protestant even the pagan The pub is the place when lady is raggin So drink of your pint boys and thank your shamrocks That as men folk we don^Òt have to bleed from our cocks And that we can escape from the lady in red And get out of the house and go down to the old pub e]------------3--- B]----------3----- G]--------0------- D]------0--------- A]----2----------- E]--3------------- instead.