Things you don't say to your wife Written by: Tim Hawkins Tabbed(chorded?) by Mandos Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end The dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend And where'de you get those shoes i think there pretty lame would you stop talking 'cause im trying to watch the game (chorus) If your a man who wants to live a long and happy life these are the things you don't say to your wife. I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday I didn't ask you but i knew i'de be ok Go make some dinner while i watch this fishing show I taped it over our old wedding video (chorus) Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes The diamond in the ring i bought you is a fake Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill Happy aniversary i bought you a treadmill (chorus) If you a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife, These are the things you don't say to your wife.