This is the way Phil played it at the Democratic Convention...... I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town. I believe in God and Senator Dodd and in keeping old Castro down. And when it came my time to serve, I knew better dead than red. But when I got to my ol' draft board, buddy this is what I said:: "Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen, And I always carry a purse. I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse. Oh, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt. Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm going to school, And I'm working in a defense plant. I got a dislocated disc, and a racked up back, I'm allergic to flowers and bugs, And when the bombshell hits I get epileptic fits And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs. I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes, I can hardly reach my knees. And if the enemy came close to me, I'd probably start to sneeze." I hate Chou En Lai and I hope he dies, but one thing you gotta see, That someone's gotta go over there, and that someone isn't me. So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em hell, Yeah, kill me a thousand or so. And if you ever get a war without blood and gore, Well I'll be the first to go. my friend tabbed it so i wont take credit